There are many different types of families.
The traditional definition of a man and a woman with 2.5 children is one kind of family unit but certainly not the only kind. The media has been notorious over the years, for portraying the “perfect” family in this traditional light. A great example of this influence is the TV show Leave It To Beaver. You will see a mother, dressed in pearls, serving dinner and ironing laundry without breaking a sweat, while the father reads the paper in a sweater and tie and has complete control of his children and wife.
The danger with such a portrayal is that most families then, as now, were a far cry from this “ideal” scenario. Children often compared themselves to this show, and secretly asked what was wrong with their family?? In fact, the perfect
family is whatever fits into the framework of your life. As long as there is love, respect and safety amongst the people who make up the family, it is right for them.
The truth is, however, that there were many traditional homes “back then” as now, who hid very dark secrets of unloving behavior that only now is coming to the light of day.
One of the most beautiful descriptions of families, in my opinion, is taken from the movie Mrs. Doubtfire.
This is a movie about two parents, going through a divorce,
and the challenges involved in co-parenting their children. The scene that is most poignant in the movie is when Mrs. Doubtfire is describing all the different kinds of families there are to “her” TV audience. She rhymes off all the different kinds of families there could be like: children with one mommy, one daddy, two mommys, two daddys, grandma and/or grandpa, aunties, uncles, foster parents,older brothers or sisters, mommys who are away and daddys who are away.
She adds that it doesn’t matter who is in the family as long as the people love each other.
Many children today grow up in homes that are anything but traditional. It is important for them to know that THEIR family is special because the people in the family love each other. As you read this, think of your own family. What is the most important thing to you - the structure or the content; the people within or how your family looks on the outside?
Here are some ways to consider as you seek to have a loving, happy and spiritual family and home.
Spend quality time every day with each other - this may include things such as a meal together, a walk together outside, or a story together. It does NOT mean watching TV together because generally there is no conversation going on. If there is a large number of people in your family, plan to spend a special one-on-one time each week with each member.
Communicate - This not only means sharing with other members of your family, but also LISTENING in a non-judgmental way. The most important thing to remember in this is to be Present with your children or spouse. Get plugged in to what they are saying in a real way. Eye contact and verbally reflecting back are two techniques which are helpful.
Acknowledge feelings - It is important for people in the family to be able to express their feelings honestly and openly. Males tend to go into a rage and females tend to get depressed. Before this happens, ask DAILY how your loved ones are feeling about their life and situations surrounding their life.
Give unconditional love - NO MATTER WHAT- our family members need to know that they are loved. This is the most healing thing of all.
Be proud of your family and celebrate the specialness of it, regardless of its structure. There is beauty and sacredness within any group of people who live together in love.
In Spirit
