These two ideas might seem totally opposite, but truly there IS a way to handle divorce in a spiritual way which can ultimately result in everyone’s higher good.  If you or anyone you know is going through a divorce, or is having difficulties in a marriage, this article may provide some help and guidance. 

1. Keep your fights private - Children will internalize the negativity between their parents and believe that it is their fault.  Go into your bedroom or agree to meet at a time when the children are at school or asleep before you begin a discussion which might end up “heated”.  This might mean that one of you must leave the house until the time is right to return.

2. Keep checking with your kids to see how they are doing -  Reassure them that no matter what happens, they will be loved and looked after.  Be present with your children and ask them how they are feeling.  Give them permission to be angry if they need to be. This is a tall order when you yourself will be going through high emotions, but it is imperative that the children get to speak as well.

3. Tell the children together - If the time should come when a divorce is inevitable, tell your children together, without blame. Say that “Daddy and Mommy do better apart than together, but that we both love you and will be there for you in an even better way than before, because the fighting will have stopped.” Then be ready for the tears and anger.

4. Make the best arrangement you can for child care and exchange -   You are still co-parents of your children, despite the different living arrangements. Try to keep the schedules of the children as consistent as possible. Therefore, plan to live in the same city.  Speak to each other at least every other day to keep communications open about the children.

5. Keep partners out of the parenting role - Before you commit to a new relationship, talk honestly with your new partner about your parenting role.  You should be the parent of the children in the home, and your partner should support you, but stay out of the parenting responsibilities. Never allow any new relationship come ahead of the children.

6. Honor the other parent in front of the children – Keep in mind that your children love both parents and therefore the adults should all respect each other despite differences and live as peacefully as possible for the sake of the children.

As you read this, you might still be in a place of anger.  You might feel that creating this peaceful co-parenting situation will be impossible for you to do with all the unresolved feelings you may still be holding.  If this is the case, you need help from outside sources to assist you in coming to terms with your feelings surrounding your break-up and in your journey of healing.  No one has to do this alone.

In Spirit

Heather