Female Relationship with Man; Is It Time For A Change?

The article you are about to read is on male/female relationship as it is viewed by the writer of this article. It takes a definite stand on what some, if not most females are experiencing in their relationships with men today. However, it is understood that this is not everybody’s experience. If you are one of the few couples who are living in bliss, please e-mail us and share your secrets. On the other end of the spectrum, if you are experiencing an abusive relationship, compromise will not work. As difficult as it may be, leaving such a relationship is the only healthy solution. For the rest of you, please read ahead for more validation.

Most females would likely agree with this statement. When it comes to men “you can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them”. As little girls, our relationships with men began with our fathers. In my era of the 1950’s, if you were lucky enough to have a father, they were usually out making the money, while our mothers carried the brunt of the child rearing. The fathers of those years were usually very remote, distant and definitely unemotional humans, who were never seen crying and often ruled with an iron fist. No wonder many of us grew up with very unhealthy relationships with men. Unfortunately for some, this carried over into unhappy marriages, where we attracted into our lives the very male-types we left in our childhoods.

Many couples either end up divorcing or are in therapy trying to figure this out. It is very simple ladies, whether we like it or not, we married our fathers to finish off the unfinished business, of our childhood. Think about that one for a minute!!

Then there are the ever so precarious relationships with the other men in our present and past. The brothers, teachers, school bullies, spiritual leaders, coaches and of course the bosses that ground fear into our souls like salt into an open wound. In order to avoid conflict and keep our jobs, many of us tended to remain silent. Yet little by little our self-worth and self- esteem were eroded away day by day. For those poor unfortunate, yet courageous individuals who did make waves, most paid dearly for their outspokenness, by being overlooked at promotion time or fired with no reasonable cause. At the very least, they were called bitches behind their backs, if not right to their faces, and labelled as “shit disturbers” by both men and women alike. I have personally seen some very brilliant and sensitive women worn into sickness for such courage. It is a shame!

This unhealthy and unbalanced relationship has been going on for thousands of years. Cultural, political and religious establishments over the years perpetuated a fear of the female that both sides have unfortunately believed. The infamous story from the bible of Adam and Eve, who some still believe is the “gospel truth”, portray females through the image of Eve as being manipulative, deceitful, and disobedient; in other words bad, and not to be trusted. The biggest part of us not to be trusted is our sexuality. Instead of seeing sex as the gift it is, our society still holds a very unhealthy and imbalanced view of sex which has created all kinds of problems between men and women.

This insanity has to stop!! Women, we must take up our space, if not for ourselves, at least for our daughters and sons! There is a great book on this subject called, What is Your Self-Worth by Cheryl Saban. Check out our bookstore for more information.

And men, the EGO has a great hold on many of you. It is time to wake up and realize that we need each other in order for our planet to evolve to the next spiritual rung. The bible verse “and the two shall become one” can be perceived in a much broader way than it has been in days gone by. Males and females must come together for the common good of the planet. Each individual brings gifts, despite gender, which God has bestowed to be used towards the creation of a better and more peaceful world.

So where do we start in turning things around? As an educator, I have always felt strongly that schools are the perfect forum for spiritual teaching. Girls need to find their self-worth early and boys need to know that it is ok to cry and have emotions. Of course, I am generalizing here, but these are some big issues that our young people are still faced with.

To me, the phrase from the Lord’s Prayer which states, “on earth as it is in heaven” means that we can create a heavenly world now. One of the ways we can start is by bridging the gap between the genders and starting some real dialogue for equality and change. This could start in your own home with the people nearest and dearest to you.

So if you are reading this article and thinking that you would like to change your circumstances and you don’t know where to start, here is a short list of options to consider.

1. Remember, it all starts with you. Examine your own life and see how you can make positive change. Don’t blame other people or circumstances for your situation. You are the only one that can change your life.

2. Set aside some “talk time” with your partner and children. Don’t start out with the phrase, “we have to talk”. That will put the defences up. Simply say that you want to visit and connect. Then slowly over time, the conversation can become deeper.

3. Go into this connection knowing that there will be differences, but be open and as non-judgemental as possible.

The Earth is in grave peril of ending, not only because of male-orientated violence, but because of females not willing to take up their space and meet their equals half-way. Both genders are responsible. Both need to change.

Heather